Nautical Stimulus Package Announced

In an effort to boost the softening marine industry, the Obama Administration announced today a nautical twist within its stimulus package. This grant opportunity is targeted to fall in line with other green initiatives, focusing on the “zero carbon” benefits of sailing. 

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi made the announcement this morning to a group of industry leaders. “This will not only be good for the environment," Pelosi said, "but also for all my friends in the Bay Area who love sailing.” Citing the newly announced joint marketing effort between mast maker Southern Spars and the pharmaceutical company Pfizer, makers of Viagra, Pelosi said "We encourage commercial partnerships between companies as well." The two companies will soon launch a new advertising campaign with their slogan “A stiff rig is hard to beat.” The first commercials are due to air during the Volvo Ocean Race.

On the Republican side of the House, not everyone is convinced. “Many modern sailing yachts are fitted with carbon masts," scoffed Ron Paul of Texas. "How can this administration look us straight in the eye and say this package is focused on ‘zero carbon’ when the masts are carbon? I don’t care if you put the carbon in the atmosphere or up in the sky in the form of a mast, its all the same carbon in my book."

Clearly, like the bailout funds sent to AIG, the devil is in details. While this form of economic stimulation may be penetrating new territory, there’s no doubt, the seas are also wet and sloppy.