Max Ebb — The Other Checklist
Lee Helm would love to race to Hawaii, but between her graduate studies and her part-time work, the closest she can get is to volunteer as a pre-race inspector. I think she takes out her envy on the racers, because her inspections are well known as the toughest on the waterfront.
I have to admit, though, that it’s a good thing she requires the storm trysail and the storm jib to be bent on, hoisted and flying, the bilge full of water to demonstrate that both pumps work, and the ground tackle laid out on the dock for measuring and weighing. It turned out that the tack cringle in our trysail was too big for the gooseneck shackle, so I lashed it for inspection and added “new trysail tack shackle” to my last-minute to-do list.
Same with the hand pumps. The new one we installed that could operate from belowdecks worked fine, but the old one with the pump handle in the cockpit had not been used for decades — why pump by hand when there’s an electric bilge pump? — and the brittle old diaphragm disintegrated after just a few strokes. Another item for my list. Everything else was pretty much in order, and Lee left me with a copy of the inspection checklist that all the inspectors work from.
“Mahalo,” I said. “My checklist looks about the same as yours, and I think with just a few things fixed we are good to go.”
“Ha!” she smirked. “Like, that’s what you think. Here’s my special, extra-secret checklist of things you need but that are not required, things that are hardly ever even mentioned at the prep seminars.”
She handed me another list. Yikes, lots more last-minute errands.
Lee Helm’s Secret List of Optional Offshore Equipment:
• Carpenter’s apron: For the cook — keep favorite utensils and seasonings close at hand. Remember, you can’t just put things down on the galley counter and expect them to stay where you put them.
• Small bucket to fit inside head bowl: The head will break. A small bucket that fits inside the head bowl is much better than balancing on the edge of a big plastic bucket from Home Despot. Also, constipation, the “number-two” offshore medical problem after seasickness, is aggravated by the near certainty of clogging the head when things finally move “down there.” Use a bucket for the first big event, worry-free.
• Anti-constipation breakfast cereal: Bring the multigrain, high-fiber concoction that works for you. Add wheat germ, millet seeds, or cashew pieces for extra potency. Test-drive the mix well before the race.
• Crew fan (Koonie 10000mAh clip-on USB recharge or similar): This replaces the old standby, the “big box” crew fan, which needs four D cells plus a set of spares. The new model is bigger but lighter, and has USB recharge and a strong clamp to keep it aimed at your face on hot nights. Makes the cabin feel 10 degrees cooler.
Continue here for the rest of the checklist.
