If You’ve Killed a Man, It Could Be a Plus

In order to prove once again that truth is stranger than fiction, we give you the following ad from Craigslist, where two young girls planning to sail around the world — drunk most of the time — want a pirate-killing man to come along to protect them.

"This is a chance of a lifetime! My best girlfriend and I are planning to come into some money soon. We plan on living the dream, buying a large sailboat and just traveling around the world. Although quite adventurous, we are only two small young girls, thus quite defenseless. Well, we could theoretically defend ourselves but we will most likely be drunk most of the time and thus not in the right state to be on the lookout for pirates or rapists. I’m not sure I would be very good shooting a pirate with double vision. I tried going to the gun range hammered to practice, but for some reason they would not rent me a gun. I tried explaining my fear of pirates, but that just got me physically carried out. Apparently yelling, ‘But how will I fight the pirates! They could come at any moment!’ caused some sort of distrust between me the gun range man. Personally, I think he must have been on some sort of power trip.

Anyways, all we need is one strong fearless man to kill any pirates we come across. If you have killed a man before, that could be a plus. If you have any pirate killing experience you are a definite shoe-in. You may be the luckiest man you know and the envy of all your friends. You will be able to travel the world, lie in the sun all day with two hot girls, and explore a different city every week — without a care in the world (except pirates.) I cannot stress this enough. We may from time to time ask you to help fish or man the sails, but your main concern and number one enemy is pirates.

Also if you are anything like Kurt Russell in Captain Ron we encourage you to apply."