City Shrinks Salesforce Tower

Responding to complaints from a bevy of Bay Area residents (especially sailors) about the impact the Salesforce tower has made on the San Francisco skyline, city officials have reduced the size of the colossal new building so that it’s never taller than existing skyscrapers.

"The people spoke, and we listened," said some official at some point in their career, in a quote we’ve taken out of context to fit the needs of this story. When seen from the Hyde Street Pier at the San Francisco Maritime National Historical Park, the Salesforce Tower is equal in size to the Transamerica Pyramid, the postmodern edifice of the ’70s that — after its own controversy about how it ruined the skyline when it was erected — once proudly soared above the city as a unique icon of the Bay Area. 

From other vantage points near the Marina District, the now-reduced Salesforce Tower looks as if its lower two thirds has been chopped off, leaving just the tip against the old skyline. When asked about their reactions to the newly shrunken building, city residents seemed as if they hadn’t yet fully processed the development. ". . . What? Is this a joke?" asked one jogger in Aquatic Park. Yes, we responded. Yes it is. 

#fakenews