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Singlehander Saved by Real Doll

April 1, 2011 – Hiva Oa, Marquesas

(Click on the photo to enlarge it.)

Marijn in happier days aboard one of Lullig's previous powerboats. © 2018 Alleen Lullig

Bizarre news came out of Hiva Oa this morning when Dutch singlehander Alleen Lullig was rescued after his Winner 11.20 Mijn Dame reportedly hit a submerged object and sank. Initial reports from Capt. Budi Pasaribu of the 190-ft freighter Sinaga indicate that Lullig was about 200-miles off Hiva Oa after crossing from Puerto Vallarta when the accident occurred around 2 a.m. yesterday. Lullig was in his bunk at the time, and said Mijn Dame began taking on water so quickly that he had no time to inflate his liferaft or grab his ditch bag — he literally could only take what was in his hands. Luckily, his water-activated EPIRB went off and the French Navy quickly requested the assistance of nearby Sinaga. Capt. Pasaribu reported that, when they reached the coordinates, a sharp-eyed crewmember spotted something floating in the water. It turned out to be Lullig clinging to a piece of flotsam.

The flotsam turned out to be a Real Doll.

Costing anywhere between $6,000 and $10,000, Real Dolls are custom-made, lifelike sex dolls made from solid silicone. "He had wrapped the doll's arms around him like a lifejacket and was holding on for his life," Capt. Pasaribu told local authorities. Under normal conditions, silicone would sink but Lullig claims that his doll was customized with air bladders so he could swim with her during his planned solo circumnavigation. "But I am not a singlehander," Lullig insisted. "Marijn was my first mate, my partner and the love of my life. While I am grateful to them for saving my life, my heart is broken that the crew of Sinaga refused to save her as well. I intend to bring a lawsuit against them for alienation of affection. They killed her!"

"I did not feel it prudent or safe to risk the life of my crew to retrieve the piece of flotsam out of the water," Capt. Pasaribu said in his defense. Local authorities declined to investigate Lullig's claims of murder once the details were understood.

- latitude / ld

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Classy Deadline the 15th

See the current magazine here

See the current magazine here.

AC34 News

April 1, 2011 – San Francisco Bay

The big news today is that AC34 will be designated a "National Special Security Event," which means that the Secret Service will take over the responsibility for the regatta's security and the FBI will take over policing duties.

The designation is usually reseverved for events like the World Cup and Olympics. After repeatedly trotting out the assertion that the Cup ranks third behind those two events in terms of global visibility and economic impact, organizers for AC34 made a strident behind-the-scenes effort to get the designation.

"It was really important to us to get this designation," said a source inside the organization. "The reality is that you're not ballin' as an event without it. There was some question of whether NSSE went all the way down to third place so we're really happy about it."

The news was greeted with a decidedly different attitude by anti-tax groups and religious conservatives. "There's no way in hell that taxpayer dollars should be spent on providing security for these super rich guys to go play around in boats," said Richard Stiphington of the American Way Taxpayer's League. "Given all the tax breaks we've doled out to the ultra-wealthy, we never thought they would try to have their cake and eat it too."

Cable news pundit, megachurch pastor and ironically named Bob A. Buoy weighed in on the debate: "Our research shows that a big part of America is in favor of wiping San Francisco off the map," Rev. Buoy said."It has been scientifically proven that only homosexuals go sailing, and that San Francisco is a den of iniquity, populated entirely by pagan, homosexual, atheist, climate change-believing, radical sodomite hippies. San Francisco will be ground zero for God's judgement in '12, so why should taxpayer dollars be used for event security when they can be used to build a life-sized ark in the middle of Missouri? We say, 'let the evil-doers help us out on this one.'"

The announcement was accompanied by a new maritime security plan that shows all harbors being closed during the 43 days of racing from July through September, a move that drew strong reactions from the local boating community. "Close all the harbors?" asked local sailor Roman Tonicke. "That's bullshit! I don't understand why they just couldn't set up some of those barriers with the retractable nylon webbing around the racing area."

The draft maritime security plan for AC 34 has been released. Due to budget cuts, maritime law enforcement will be closing off harbors rather than trying to patrol the perimeter of the racing area. © 2018

But local maritime officials explained in the plan that the security needs of the event would far outstrip their resources. "It takes the Coast Guard 50 boats to patrol the one-mile-long by half-mile-wide safety zone during Fleet Week," the report states. "The area perimeter for the Cup will be six times as large. Due to budget cuts caused in part by declining tax revenue when Bush-era tax cuts on the wealthy were extended by President Obama, there simply will not be enough resources to patrol the perimeter effectively. As result, we're left with no choice but to shut down all harbors completely — except, of course, for the megayachts. So don't plan on using your boat from the middle of July to the end of Septemeber in '13."

- sirius lee

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Ad: Doublehanded Farallones Race

April 1, 2011 – To the Rock Pile & Back

BAMA's Doublehanded Farallones Race is a simply challenging race course with only one mark to round. The deadline to enter is April 6!
© 2018 BAMA /

This is the last weekend to sign up, make plans, and prepare your crew and boat for BAMA's 32nd Doublehanded Farallones Race on Saturday, April 9. And it looks like the weather will be fine! The last chance to register will be at the Skipper's Meeting on April 6 at Oakland YC. See sailing instructions for new equipment and registration information requirements at DHF 2011 online, or email or call (650) 468-7117. Register today!

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Latitude Offices Win Feng Shui Award

April 1, 2011 – Mill Valley, CA

No one was more surprised than the staff of Latitude 38 when representatives of the International Feng Shui awards committee appeared at the magazines corporate offices in Mill Valley yesterday to present it's most revered annual prize: the Ultimate Feng Shui award.

At Latitude 38, we have our own definition of aesthetics. Photo Latitude / Andy
© 2018 Latitude 38 Media, LLC

Although the Latitude staff has always considered its humble offices to be shabby, unattractive and, in some areas, chaotic, the committee pointed out that it is precisely that chaotic flair which qualified their offices for nomination, as the randomness of organization, especially in the downstairs editorial offices, is precisely alligned with the randomness of nature.

So, as much as the staff hates to admit it, it was actually by accident that they achieved such natural harmony. Feng Shui, after all, is defined as an ancient Chinese system of aesthetics believed to use the laws of both heaven and earth to help one improve life by receiving positive energy flow.

Upon receipt of the award, Managing Editor Andy Turpin was quoted as saying, "You've gotta be friggin' kidding!"

And you thought we were kidding! Photo Latitude / Andy
© 2018 Latitude 38 Media, LLC

As a consequence of having received this stunning recognition, Associate Publisher John Arndt sent a special delivery message to the company's cleaning contractor stating that in the future he should dust only lightly, being careful not to upset the randomness of items placed on desktops, shelving and floor space throughout he building. Previous recipents includes Frank Lloyd Wright, Martha Stewart and Vera Wang.


- latitude / at

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April 1 Issue Out Today

April 1, 2011 – Bay Area

The April issue hits the streets today, and it even includes the Strictly Sail planner. Photo Latitude / Annie
© 2018 Latitude 38 Media, LLC

Hopefully you've remembered by now that today is the first day of April. As such, not only are all of the above stories (with the exception of the Doublehanded Farallones ad) complete bollocks, but today is the day you'll find the April edition of Latitude 38 in all the normal places around the Bay Area. In it you'll find a recap of the Big Daddy Regatta, tsunami reports from all over the Pacific, a list of kids' sailing programs in the Bay Area, the final installment of Pacific Puddle Jumper profiles, a guide to Bay Area boat-in dining, a so much more great stuff you won't be able to put it down once you pick it up. And that's no joke!

- latitude / ld

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